I wish I had a love life

Not really. It’s just that looking everywhere everything I see is just all about  love and all that is spoken about it just feels alien to me. I’m not keen to experience it, since I’m in a busy place in my life right now and I’m busy doing my thing, but seeing all talk about love just makes me feel…left out. I’ll never admit it out loud, and I wouldn’t want someone here that knows me to ask me about it, but yeah. I do feel left out. 

I also know I shouldn’t even think about it. I’m not entering the big 30, or 40. What am I saying? I haven’t even entered the 20…(though I would… Soon.) Anyway, the thought baffles me sometimes, and I’m now looking for blogs that don’t really post love ish though I’m not interested in them so I then find myself unfollowing them and following these blogs again  that post about love and ish…cause I really do like them. 

I’m at a place in my life where I just take things steady. The course I’m studying in the university (Law), I still haven’t been able to see myself being a lawyer, you know, arguing for some persons, and the thought makes me feel left out. Most other people I ask they have their lives already figured out, and these are people who are at the same stage of life as I am in. 

I don’t want to finish school, and find myself at a place where I’m not decided, cause somehow, if I can’t figure what I really want to do now, I don’t know how I’ll be able to later. Of course I hope. I hope that God is just going to figure it all out. I know I gotta do something too. That’s why I read, then excel, but beyond that? I don’t even know.

Away from my ordinary 

Somehow, I don’t even think it’s the thought of having a love life that is bothering me. I think it’s just doing something… Remarkable. I think it’s because I feel ordinary. 

I never go out, partly my fault cause I like the predictability of just cuddling on my bed with a novel, and mostly my parents. Some times, I think. If I hadn’t been raised by lovely parents who don’t let me go out at all, I’ll probably like it, and that maybe I just comfort myself with the fact that I’ll rather read my novel anyway. But I’ll never  know. 

I want to do something different sometimes, just to do it, but I don’t even know if I can. I like the comfort, but at the same time, I want to run away from it. I don’t want to just be this person forever. I don’t want to be this person anymore. I’m still young, and I know I can change it but I also know I can keep telling myself I have time and still never do anything.

I want to run away from my ordinary. Of course I don’t mean to do anything bizzare. Just something different. I think about the day some crazy memorable thing would happen and my view of life would change forever, if I’m lucky, my life would change forever, for good. I told someone this once, not exactly phrased this way, and he said he knew I was going to say something odd. (I’m different , or odd to the friends. Some polite ones when call it “unique”. Please… If you think I’m odd , just say it. They think the way I converse is different, the way I relate is different, the way I do my things is plain different, odd, and even amusing sometimes. Apparently my view of life is just so different. Then they follow it with some complement to take any sting I might have felt at their words… I’m past that stage. Infact, I’m beginning to see it myself as a compliment. That way, I don’t have to be sorry for being DIFFERENT.) Back to what I was typing. Did it mean he looked for something odd at every chat?  Suddenly I feel unsure. I also feel hurt, because he obviously took what I said as jargon, amd this is why I don’t want people I do know reading this blog. I don’t want someone to feel like they owe me any apology, cause that’s the next thing that would happen if the person in question sees this. 

I want to be away from the ordinary, when things like this happen (statement above), I am then forced to wonder if there is going to be anyone who would like  that DIFFERENT. In truth, not in an amused way. I’m forced  to wonder if that person would be my lover.