If you read my post yesterday, you should be able to relate with what I want to talk about but if not you can read it here.
After what happened, I went into my room, not cause I was angry, but because I was dissapointed in me. This morning, just as she was going to leave for work, she talked to me.
She talked to me about relationships. Relationships with people. She told me that yesterday she was actually pissed but she managed to keep her cool. She said I had to learn how to relate with people. She said that when I began working, I would work with people (cold, uncaring, merciless, nice) and I had to learn how to take whatever comment dished out in stride. She said it was how people got referred. She told me if you acted positively, taking it in stride and not feeling bad or taking offence, you would be referred to others. She also told me that if I acted in a negative manner I would also get referred, except in a negative way. She also told me that the negative referrals travel faster than the positive.
Tears came out of my eyes at their own will but I listened. She told me I had the attitude of taking offence at people when they say something I don’t like. I agreed. It’s true. She said I needed more grace from God to become more humble. I agreed. She said that same behavior I exhibited, she had acted the same way, and it almost caused her being suspended as a worker in church. I listened.
After these, I then told her I wasn’t angry, or displaying my usual behavior of just keeping to myself when I am offended by what is said about me. I told her it was because I was so dissapointed she didn’t like it.
I didn’t tell her that after it had happened yesterday, I stayed in the room by myself just because I didn’t think I could face them cause of how dissapointed I was in myself. I didn’t tell her that coming to the sitting room after all was still work on my part.
I didn’t tell her I was trying to change. I listened to her.
After she finished, I kept being cheerful, to show her that I was really thinking on her words. After all, action speaks louder than words.
I shed tears when my mum talks to me, but it barely unfazes her. I think she’s already used to seeing me do that -shedding tears. I hope she also knows that the tears are to tell her that I am very sorry, not that I can’t handle her correcting me.
I know she’s right. I know she’s telling me this cause she loves me. I want to become that better person, cause I know the world is no rosy place, and I would be treated unfairly even when it’s not deserved.