While checking for the word “domineering” on the internet, I decided to look for its origins. Domineering is one of those words that it’s origins are not easily detectable. I opened a page and saw that domineering was a word used by Shakespeare, but I decided to check more. It paid of, as I saw the word DOMINARI. Domus means house or home in Latin, while dominus means the master of the house. DOMINARI meant to rule. And that, my good friends, is where the word “domineering” was brought out. You could do your research on the word and tell me what you’ve read, or already know about it. However, it isn’t all I have to talk to you about.
Yesterday at my sowing lesson, a woman came to fit for her dress. She came with her sister. I came a little late, but it was okay as I came when the drama was just about to start. (It wasn’t really any drama). I had to stay in the room for let’s say ten minutes to know that her sister was a domineering one. The wife to be was mostly gentle, but the elder sister was… Lord!
The way she was acting made me remember the show Say yes to the dress on TLC. Anyone here watches it? She was this sort of person that didn’t listen to any body. It was what she wanted that would be done. I get the fact that she’s an elder sister and such but she wasn’t the one that was going to wed so she was supposed to chill a little. Worse still, the to-be-bride made the tailor (my teacher), correct every thing that wasn’t okay with the sister. I get the thing that she is there to give her say in the matter but you would think she would do it a little gentler. My friends, no. I don’t think she even knows the meaning if the word. She told us she had bought a ready made wedding gown with her friend the last week, so she knew what it was to know about wedding gowns. (such a professional), more than my teacher that had been sowing wedding gowns for quite some time. While I was in front of a machine pinning the dress I was working on, I was rolling my eyes the entire time.
“No the rope has to be thick! I’ve seen some where that that’s how it should be. It holds the cloth better!”
“This thing needs to rest on her body”…blah blah blah. Okay let me not be mean. I get it she was doing it in the best interest of her sister but it shouldn’t have gotten to the state where any other person’s opinion was rendered stupid.
She’s a sort of person that was always on the attack. She was ready to strike anyone who opposed whatever she said. I said something I thought about the dress and she fired off. Wasn’t funny at all.
Then after the tailor had done everything she wanted and was adjusting some other clothes given to her to do (by the same to-be-bride cause the woman did not give her an accurate measurement), the woman begun talking that time was going they needed to go. Traffic and such. The to-be-bride said that they had come here for the fitting, and it was their fault they came late. She didn’t want to rush any thing, but big sister wouldn’t have it. Big sister said they would give a tailor at home to do the amendment.
By the time they left, a big sigh of relief escaped all of us. You know the sorts of people that their presence just takes the energy out of you? Yeah.
The episode got me thinking about some other things. Like the fact that people let others take advantage of them all because they are gentle. It’s gets to the point that those people, begin to feel they’ve got some right to do what they want to do, that if you try opposing them they’d argue like they’ve got all the right to bully you into doing what they want.
No matter how gentle you are, you have to know how to be firm. It might take a while getting used to, but after, you’ll feel better about yourself. When you let those people control you, you just let yourself be deflated. You feel you’re not good enough, until you get to a stage where the person would be happy with you. I’ll tell you something. If they’re like that, domineering, there’s no way you would actually do something that would content them. The person controlling doesn’t have to be a parent, an eler sister, or an elderly person. It could be your mates.
It’s the way you let yourself be treated that people treat you. If you’re one who let’s yourself being pushed around, it’s not the fault of the people instructing you around. It’s you. Yes you, that let yourself be pushed around. You can’t blame the ones doing the controlling. It’s human nature to recognize the one who are easily pushed around and use them to satisfy out wants.
You can’t say you don’t do it, cause it’s there, in the human nature. Once you want something to be done, if the person in charge is someone you can just bully into giving it to you, you do it. You might think this isn’t bully, but it is. Everyone does this, evwn the gentle ones around, cause there is always someone more gentle.
We humans want things to go our own way, and while fate has a lot to play in how it works out, we try to manipulate whatever we can manipulate so it works out the way we want.
You do it. I do it.
I’m not here to tell you that it’s okay to let people push you into doing things you would other wise not do, I’m telling you that it is up to you to let yourself be pushed. There’s no point saying “I don’t do it”, cause you do it. The best and worst of us do it. It’s there. That instinct, to do what it takes to get what you want.
However, you need to decide for yourself that you would not let yourself be pushed. You need to take your stand, and be a master of yourself. If you keep doing things just because you believe they would meet the standard set by some persons, it might be a while before you begin to recognize how unhappy you are, because all the while, you had been living someone else’s life.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t listen to people. Listen to them, listen to what they think on a situation, and most importantly, listen to what you want. You also have to know the difference between advise and just primal pushing. You need to be able to recognize what is wrong and what you need to correct, not because you want to please the person giving the “advhse”, but because you recognize that going that way is what is right.
I’ve pushed people, and I’ve let myself be pushed, but just like I’m telling you, I’m making it a decision to learn to take my stand in situations. The people that put you in bad situations are mostly never there to sympathize with you. You need to confess to yourself what is really going on, if not, you’ll be the one standing in the way of you.
From Esther. I’ll like to know your thoughts on the issue.