Hi guys. 

This is the second part of yesterdays post, which you can get here

Today, nothing spectacular happened. Just like I had said already. 

I was woken up (already woken up, though drifting in and put of consciousness) by my mum, who sang me the birthday song. 

The day pretty much continued like every other day. I went to my sowing lessons, and whole there, my teacher asked. 

“You said your birth month was october”

“Yes. ” I replied. 

She them asked what date, and I told her “fifth of October”.

It took a beat for her to remember that it was today’s date, them asked me why I wasn’t acting like it was my birthday. Told her it was just like every other day, and I wasn’t going to make any fuss over it. 

I guess she was surprised because knowing me even though little, since I’m comfortable around her, I act out my weirdness, so I presume she was expecting some out of the world… Craziness? I’m not crazy, though you can read about more of that here.

So yeah. My cousin sent a message to me know whatsapp playing a keyboard and singing the birthday song. I knew that he probably had it saved on his phone, and sent it to any one celebrating birthday, but none the less, I appreciated it. 

His brother, (another cousin, obviously) also messaged me on whatsapp, wishing me a happy birthday. 

While in the lesson, a friend called and sang me a birthday song in her very terrible voice. She was so passionate about the singing, though I teased her all the way from when she started to when she ended. It almost brought tears to my eyes.

Another friend… Sort of, who stays with us because of a situation also called, since she wasn’t around me. 

Two other people wished me a happy birthday too on whatsapp, then another called. 

Wattpad also wished me a happy birthday by giving me good thirty five books there were sure I would like. I think I added just five to my library (Don’t tell!) 

Twitter also wished me  Happy Birthday, and I enjoyed opening my page all over just to see the balloons come up. 

That’s pretty much it. No one posted a picture of mine on instagram, nor on their whatsapp (except if you’re going to count my cousin), but oddly enough, it was okay. At least okay enough for me. It was just this evening I vexed a little bit cause of something that happened that I didn’t like.

I don’t post on my Whatsapp status on the day it’s my birthday, so a lot of people do not  even know. Plus, I de-activated my Facebook account, though I don’t know if they are still going to notify my followers of today being my birthday. 

So that’s pretty much it. 

Something else is actually bugging me. 

I have a lot of things to say. I lot of things I want to get out here, but I’m mostly held back by my fear. I don’t like it. It sucks big time, but I can’t help it. It’s like exposing my soul to whoever cares (or not), and that makes me want to shiver. No matter how vibrant I might seem sometimes when I relate with people, and talk to them, I can’t actually just bare my soul, amd reveal deep feelings, what really bothers me, what is really in my heart. 

It’s the fear. Probably that of what people would think of me when the read it, even though I don’t know anyone here. And then I wonder. Would writing it here make any situation better? It might very just happen that it would make me feel worse about myself, because knowing it in the heart is one thing, and writing it down, is all together something else. 

It’s something that has plagued me since forever, and no matter how much I think I can actually do something without trying to think of what people would think, I know it’s still going to happen. 

All these thinking… I need to sleep. My eyes feel heavy.