Hi everyone. Hope you all are doing well. 

I’m a Christian, and I want to be more than the word. I want to have that personal relationship with God, but most times, I just… Can’t get it. 

I have problems. Problems I need to talk to someone about. Someone who wouldn’t tell me it’s right. 

A few minutes ago, while doing some house chores, my mum sent me some messages on Whatsapp, telling me that I need to strengthen my relationship with God, and it was so aligned with what I was thinking at the moment that tears begun falling from my eyes. 

I have a lot of things to say, but there is never anyone right to tell it too. There’s the need to tell my mum, but she would definitely tell my dad, and that’s not even the matter. It’s that their thought of me would change in all its entirety. 

I know I can’t tell her. I can’t face the disgrace, or what’s that would be hard to hide for her. 

I know she would understand, but I can’t tell her. 

And now I’m bawling my eyes out cause I just can’t. 

I want to have a close relationship with God. I want to read my Bible without being prompted. I want to live a life that isn’t going to be haunted by doings I don’t know how to control. 

I need God to help me.

I need that grace to serve him. 

I need Him.