Anna knocked on the door to Gary, her boyfriends house, and felt the same trepidation she felt since she had been coming to see him every two weeks.
After two minutes, the door opened and Anna looked at the warm face of Mrs White, his mum. She greeted her softly and everything felt like a ritual as she opened the door wider to occupy her frame.
Anna stood with her bag slung diagonally on her front and waited for Mrs White to lock the door.
“How is he?”
She asked, after Mrs White had settled on a seat.
“No better. Still locked up in his room.”
“Is he eating?”
“She goes to talk to him, but he won’t stop beating himself about it. I think you talking to him might make him understand it isn’t his fault.”
Ana nodded. “Can I see him?”
Gary knew the exact time his room door opened, but he wasn’t sure who was there, and he wasn’t bothered to check. He heard footsteps coming towards him and almost immediately he caught the whiff of Anna. He knew the smell of the perfume she used.
She came to his front, but he wouldn’t look at her. He watched as she removed the bag she had on along with her jacket, and sat on the floor beside the chair where he was sitting on.
He felt as she hugged his leg, and yet, he didn’t look at her.
“How are you?”
He removed the cigarette from his mouth and looked down at her. Her voice sounded broken, and as it had happened a lot of times when she came, his throat felt clogged, and he felt tears struggling to escape.
“Fine.” He said, holding the tears at bay.
She looked up at him, probably because of the emotion that was laced in that single word, and though he felt unworthy of the love that shined in her eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to take his eyes away.
He didn’t bother asking why she was around. He knew. Hell! His mother checked on him every five minutes to be sure he hadn’t yet committed suicide, but it was unnecessary. He was depressed alright, but suicide could not cross his mind.
It all begun when he and Anna had a disagreement. It was in the night, and he had been coming from her house and then decided to pick his sister Elle, from her music lesson. His mind was occupied, and he wasn’t paying attention. He was going over his talk with Anna, trying to understand what had really happened that they ended up having an argument, and the next thing that he knew, he was in an accident. He couldn’t control the car, it was moving on its own, and Elle was shouting and till now, five months after, it was still the hardest thing to take away from his mind.
He had left the accident almost unscathed. He had some broken bones that were pretty serious, but nothing permanent. With his sister, it was more serious, and she was left with a permanent injury. Both of her legs took the major brunt of the injury, but her left leg was rendered useless. Her right leg could do almost nothing, and she had ended up on a wheel chair.
He never wanted to see her. The pain that clouded his being when he saw her on the wheel chair was not something he could explain. He had wished he was the one it happened to.
He still wished he was the one.
They all told him it wasn’t it fault, and everyone in the family, and Anna, had something to say to blame themselves, but in the end, he was still the one that was driving the car when the accident happened.
His mum and Dad said the car had been malfunctioning and they had been keeping fixing it because of no time, Elle said she should have gone home with her friend, and not stay back so late talking to her boy friend, and Anna, his Anna, blamed herself saying the projects she had been doing had gotten to her, her parents were fighting, and that together made her find what he was saying unreasonable thereby arguing with him.
All that were probably sincere, but he knew that the core of it was to make him feel better. That he was not at fault.
He felt Anna’s gentle squeeze on his free hand and he awoke from the thoughts he was drowning himself in, and looked at her.
She was smiling at him, no doubt trying to be strong for him. She had her own problems he knew. Her parents were fighting again, and like every other time, they found a way to bring her to it, and then blame her for it. He knew he was supposed to comfort her, and let her know that she was loved, and none of it was her fault, but he couldn’t seem bring himself out of this wallow.
He blew another smoke and watched as it disappeared into Anna’s face, her smile remaining, unflinching.
“I love you.” She said.
He swallowed, felling a lump in his throat and he gripped her hand that was in his.
He heard some other footsteps, and this time, he looked back.
He saw Elle in the wheel chair, smiling at him, and he saw his mum, still pushing the wheel chair towards him, smiling at him too, tears falling down her eyes.
He turned to look at Ana as he blew another smoke, and as it disappeared into her loving face once again, he slowly begun to believe that he was really was not at fault, and he was going to be able to live, though with all that had happened forever etched in his mind.
Hi everyone. Did you like it? Feel free to comment whatever thoughts you have concerning the post.
This is my second post today. Did you miss the first? You can read it here.
You can also read my yesterdays response to daily prompt here.