I watched as he raised his head up to look at me, and my heart beat quickened more than I would have thought it capable. I had done it. I had confessed my love for him. It was probably stupid, I mean, it’s what everyone says anyway, but I couldn’t take it anymore.
We were bestfriends. I couldn’t take the way he spoke about girls, the way he gushed about them, just everything about them. I wanted it to just be the both of us. I never wanted him to talk about the girls.
They all said I was jeopardizing my friendship with him. That I would end up loosing him, cause there was no way he could like me. He was the guy. like that was enough explanation. I was the girl who he took interest in, and along the line, became best friends with. They all said there was no way he could like me. That hurt so much, but I couldn’t live with my affection for him downplayed.
I wanted hug him, in a more intimate way, and let him know what I meant. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to whisper in my ear, and tell me he loves me. I wanted him to cuddle me, while touching me openly. I didn’t want to hide anything.
For so long I had listened to them. I had downplayed my feelings, thinking that someday, I wouldn’t feel the same anymore, but it was different.
I loved him.
If he didn’t feel the same, I don’t really know what will happen. I don’t know. I haven’t thought this out as I am known to do in every situation. I was being impulsive.
There was no way I could continue without letting him know. All through college and university, it was suffer, laying on his lap and pretending it’s just the innocent thoughts running through my head. That I wasn’t imagining him doing various erotic things to me.
We were out of university now, and I knew time wasn’t going to slow down. I had to tell him. He had to know.
“I don’t know what to say.”
My heart stopped, and I met his eyes, refusing to drop down my gaze.
“You could tell me what you are thinking.”
My voice quivered at the last word, but I wasn’t a bit worried. This was Phil. I was open with him. I wasn’t afraid that he saw me this vulnerable.
“A million thoughts are going through my head right now Mer… I’m not sure what to say.”
I gave him a small smile, and he looked away.
“All these time?”
I nodded stupidly, and it was then I begun to realize, that if he really did feel the same way, he would have told me, and not be questioning me. He would have hugged me. Told me this was what he had always wanted, but Phil and looking down now, like he was ashamed to admit, that he didn’t feel the same way.
It was then I felt my throat constrict, and my eyes got blurry. I had to leave. I stood up.
I stayed the way I was, my back turned at him. There was no way I could face him. Tears were out of my eyes already, and I was trying so hard to suppress the sobs, but I was sure he could hear it.
I waited, wanting to bolt out of the door, never see his face, not hear his voice ever again.
“You_you can’t leave now. It’s late. I…”
“I brought my car.”
I felt his presence at my back, then his hands on my shoulder. I instinctively jerked away.
“Don’t leave. Please.”
I turned towards him this time. I couldnt detect the emotion in his face.
It came out as barely a whisper.
He took my hands, and placed it in his. They were sweaty.
“I’m nervous too.”
He gave a short laugh, but I could see he was really nervous.
He looked down.
“For the longest time, I have loved you, but…
I never could say. I wondered sometimes it it was all my imagination. If I really wanted you, or if I just liked you as a best friend.
I was confused about how I felt for forever. I…I am still confused. ”
I looked up at him, my hands shaking. No. It felt like my whole body was shaking. I begun to feel lightheaded.
“You… You love me?”
He winced. “I think I do, but I… I don’t know. I don’t want to go into it and realize we don’t really feel that way for each other. I…”
I placed a finger on his lips, effectively silencing him.
“We will give it a try. I have wanted this for so long.”
He nodded, his face drawing close to mine. “Me too. Me too Mer.”
His face was so close now, I could bring my tongue out, and it would touch his cheek.
“Cam I kiss you?”
His voice was a soft whisper in a my face, and my heart rate quickened. I couldn’t say anything. I moved the remaining distance, and locked my lips with his.
He brought his hands to my cheek, and started kissing down my cheek.
The last I heard before I got sucked into the oblivion of love was “It is even better than I always thought it would be”, and that filled me with so much joy, making me hold him tight and show him how much better it would be.
Sometimes, it’s better to just tell the other party what you feel. It might not be perfect. They may not feel the same, but I tell you, it’s better than torturing yourself with the thoughts of how it would have being, if it did work out with you two.
This is a reply to the daily prompt, quicken.
If you liked it, tell me, and feel free to comment whatever thoughts you have concerning the post.
Have you ever confessed love to the person you felt so for? How did it go?
See ya on the comment ✌