And that feeling comes again. 

It happens so much now,

I should note the trend 

But there isn’t. 

Not really. 

I watch her

Me.

I see her questioning herself.

Asking questions she does not have answers to, 

Nor do I. 

I see her as she questions herself. 

As she questions how she is. 

Why she cares so, 

And gives so much for people

Who don’t care so. 

She’s not your “nice” person. 

She takes her ground in situations. 

She doesn’t let herself be bullied despite her reserved self. 

But when she sees one she likes, 

One she is remotely interested in, 

Even for a friend, 

She gives her all. 

She calls. 

She messages. 

She gives herself excuses on their behalf

Why they have done something that does not sit well with her. 

She’s looking for something. 

She’s looking for that person. 

That person that would matter so. 

The person that would love her. 

She doesn’t care if they are only very close friends. 

What she wants? 

The person that actually care. 

That acts like they care. 

That actually makes her think, 

That finally, 

This is someone. 

And because of this 

That she so much desires, 

She isn’t the first to leave a friendship (it has happened, but only when she stops feeling comfortable with the person)  

Even when she knows, 

That she’s giving her all, 

To one that it’s giving her nothing, 

She tells herself she will stop.

She tells herself she wouldn’t let herself be treated that way again.

That she wouldn’t treat herself that way, 

That she would begin to think of herself, 

But at every turn, 

She can’t do it. 

She doesn’t know how not to give her all. 

She turns, 

And she faces me. 

“What do I do? 

I hate this feeling. 

This feeling that assails me. 

I know I want to feel. 

Those short moments they seem to care. 

I live for them”. 

She asks me. 

“Do I stop feeling? 

Give them a taste of their drug? 

Femi!”

She sounded desperate now. 

She fell to the floor,and she pulled at her hair. 

“I can’t take this anymore. 

I feel depressed. 

This has been going on for forever. 

I can’t seem to see one, 

That is actually a friend. 

Why?”

She looks up to me, 

And the pain I see in her eyes, 

Brings me to my knees. 

Now we are on the same level. 

I call her. 

“Femi.”

She looks up again, and asks. 

“What do I do?”

She mouths.

With tears now in my eyes, 

I speak. 

“You keep loving. 

When you feel like you’re giving too much, 

When they make you question why. 

Question why you’re so considerate, 

When you feel like you give, 

Like you give too much,

And you’re the only one giving,

I tell you. 

Keep loving. 

Keep on. 

Cause I tell you, 

Your open ways, 

Never ceases to leave an impact on the ones you meet, 

And then, 

They need it. 

They all need that love. 

So keep giving. 

Till you meet those ones, 

That will make you feel that love, 

That you seem so full of.”

We are staying at each other now, 

And she mouth… 

“When?”

This time, 

I was the one who bowed, 

And looked to the floor. 

I had no answer to that. 

—————-

Thank you for reading. 

Feel free to comment your thoughts on the write. It’s always very welcome. 

FEMIIESTHER © 2017

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